The Gramaphone - Commercial Street

Last week I was at the downstairs bar of The Gramaphone in Commercial Street. The main bar is lovely, though overpriced. The downstairs bar is one of those London basements that's basically a dingy concrete room with lots of brick arches - the kind that often gets converted into parking spaces.

Anyway, their toilet set-up is a strange one. As you walk through the door you're in a small room with three open doors. On the left:

Some sort of random pipe thing. Just around the corner of that is a toilet.

The door in the middle:

Classy. The guys don't even close the door when they're having a wee.

On the right:

The sinks for the ladies. You can just see part of the cubicle on the left, there.

I'm not sure where the sinks for the guys are. Either they don't wash (eww!) or the sinks are to the left of the middle door. I saw a guy disappearing off that direction, so hopefully it was to wash his hands.

The cubicle itself was pretty boring, so here's a photo of the inside of the cubicle door instead:
I have no idea who Bloom, Olivia or Frank are but I hope they had a lovely night.

The Gramaphone, 60-62 Commercial St. London, E1 6LT

Public Toilet - Whitechapel Road

I must confess, I've never had the courage to use one of these street toilets. They just look so... grim. I'm happy to report that they are yes, grim, but perfectly usable and mostly clean. 20 pence per entry.

Yep, this is a toilet bowl. It looks unpleasant but those are mostly stains that won't wipe off. The nasty yellow is just limescale residue rather than bodily fluid stains. I'm not impressed by the lack of seat, though I suppose if they installed one it wouldn't last very long.

Here we have the highly exciting mirror and tissue dispenser. It even has a few tissues in it.

The unexpected warning, conveniently placed at eye-level.

These toilets have an auto-wash function that's triggered when you close the door. I'm guessing it's also triggered 15 minutes after the door was opened to let you in. Judging by this sign and surprising cleanliness of this toilet, you do not want to get caught in the auto-wash.

Prescott Street - Ladies

Been busy lately! Or incontinent. One of the two. Anyway, here is a photo of the ladies' toilets in an office building on Prescott Street. Guys, that's a tampon and pad dispenser stuck to the wall on the left. Most ladies' toilets have them, very few actually dispense pads. Mainly they just eat your money at a very inopportune moment, what with the bleeding and the nice clean clothes.

A cubicle. The box on the right is where you're supposed to dispose of your pads and tampons, instead of flushing them. That cotton stuff is designed to expand on contact with moisture, ladies. Shoving it down a skinny pipe filled with water is just asking for trouble.

Sorry, no larger pictures available. I forgot to change to a larger photo size on my cameraphone. (Must remember to bring proper camera from now on.)

Cineworld West India Quay

These are the bloke's toilets at Cineworld, West India Quay. Classy, hey? I particularly like the Warning and Wet Floor signs alongside the hazard tape.

Apparently, the hand-dryers are conveniently located right beside the urinals, so when it's busy right after a film they have to squeeze past a guy peeing in order to dry their hands.

And these are the ladies'. Look, we get carpet and everything since we don't pee all over the floor. Pity we can't throw stuff in the bin properly.

Vicarage Road - Men's Loo

Here's our very first toilet on display. The men's toilets at Watford Football Ground.

Apparently the metal-horse-trough look is quite a common approach in UK stadiums and pubs. I had no idea they were so... utilitarian. In films they always have grubby porcelain and individual units. I suppose disgusting stains show up better on porcelain.

Sorry about the poor quality. Our official Men's Loo Photographer (hereafter known as the MLP) had to to use the hit-and-run photographic method. A football ground's urinals during a rugby match is not the sort of place you want to be caught taking photographs.

The Bathroom Spy

Bathrooms are fascinating places. They're the one room that every place needs but hardly anyone will talk about. They are intensely private places - by their very nature you are utterly exposed when using one.

Some people think you'll find out all you need to know about a person or a venue, simply by visiting the toilet. I'm not sure I agree but it goes to show the importance of this little room.

I love checking out the toilets in a new restaurant or shopping centre. I find the little cultural differences so intriguing.

In Vietnam, there's usually a bucket to throw your paper because the pipes often can't cope with it. In Malaysia you have a mix of sit-down and squat toilets and there's always a tap with a length of hose within reach of the user. In Britain, the ladies' toilets frequently have a pointless ante-room which I can only assume is to protect the modesty of the women inside.

This blog is inspired by an interview with Andrew Buurman, photographer of fertility clinic wank rooms. He said:

'It's the essence of photography to document things that people can't usually see. For blokes, it would be the inside of a women's loo.

He's right. I have no idea what most men's toilets look like. I'm going to show you every bathroom I visit from now on. Public, private, outdoor, spotless, filthy, you name it.

Maybe you'll even see yours.